


Vacation In My Dreams

by georgiesucks



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M, Priest Gerard Way, Religion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 01:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8425963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/georgiesucks/pseuds/georgiesucks
Summary: 1095 days is all it took. 1095 days is exactly all it took for me to get here. I was alone on the road, hitchhiking along to get to Jersey. The air was warm, rotten and musty, just like the cars and sofas I’d been sleeping on for months. My face was only slightly rough despite the fact I hadn’t shaved for days and I smelled like death but I was determined to get myself away from that place. The place I called home for so long which was now a closed door with an exit sign to freedom. I was halfway there when he stopped for me.





	

1095 days is all it took. 1095 days is exactly all it took for me to get here. I was alone on the road, hitchhiking along to get to Jersey. The air was warm, rotten and musty, just like the cars and sofas I’d been sleeping on for months. My face was only slightly rough despite the fact I hadn’t shaved for days and I smelled like death but I was determined to get myself away from that place. The place I called home for so long which was now a closed door with an exit sign to freedom. I was halfway there when he stopped for me. I was exhausted and lifeless, my face skin was grey and my feet were red. I sported my scarf around my forehead to bat off the sunlight and my shoes to bat off the flies. I felt like I’d given up. I felt like I might as well just rot on the side of the road. I might as well have melted onto the sidewalk and become one with the trodden in chewing gum and trash. It felt like the end of the fucking world, I didn’t care if the world had blown up right there and then because I was just another broken skin peeling, head sweating soul lost in the fishtank of the universe. The moment he stopped was the moment my heart started to beat again. I started to feel human. Suddenly my scabs and sunburn didn’t hurt anymore. I’d been taken to a paradise of fresh water, palm trees and food, any food. His head craned out the side of the window. 

 

“Are you okay? Would you like a ride?” He shouted. My feet ached no more, my eyes did not sag my heart did not fall. I rushed to the side of the car and thanked the man gratefully. He wore a leather jacket and black skinny jeans. His hair was raven, his eyes auburn under his deep red sunglasses, his lips pink. He helped my load my guitar and bag into the boot of his car and we started to drive. 

 

“I’m Frank.” I said through chapped lips and a dry throat. The man smiled at me and turned on the radio just quiet enough so there was no silence.

 

“I’m Gerard.” He replied. “Where are you going?” I laid my head against the window and looked out onto the stretch of nothingness around me. 

 

“Jersey.” I replied, daydreaming about the world I would end up in. I looked over at Gerard and the corners of his lips started to rise.

 

“Well Frank, that’s exactly where I’m going. What brings you this way?” I suddenly wanted to tell him everything, about my whole life. I’d known this man for 5 minutes.

 

“I wanted to get away, I guess. I didn’t really have a life back home. I wanted to start fresh.” I looked down at my red, calloused fingers.

 

“I’m happy for you. It’s a big step you’ve taken.” He used one hand to fiddle around in the compartment in front of him. He took out a carton of cigarettes. He lit one up and passed the carton to me. “Do you want one?” I looked at the carton, I’d been aching for a smoke for days but my throat was so dry already. I decided to take it. It was no problem getting ill, I was used to it. My mom had the police round once because I hadn’t been in school for so long and my teachers didn’t believe I was sick. I missed a lot more school after that, I walked the corridors alone, books in hand. I was a ghost walking among the living. I was a skeleton among the souls.

 

“Jersey’s a big place.” I broke the silence, smoking my cigarette. I’d placed it between my fingers and rolled it around, it felt perfect. “Do you know where this is?” I showed him an address and he turned back to the road, his dark locks blowing in the wind. 

 

“That’s not too far from where I live, you’re lucky you bumped into me, Frank.”

 

“Well I didn’t bump into you as much as you stopped for me.” I smiled and turned back to my cigarette. I was just a short, dark haired kid with too many tattoos to match my earring, lip ring and nose ring. There was no reason for anyone to want to pick up a small lump of sweating punk like me off the side of the road.

 

“You seem like a nice kid” Gerard flicked his cigarette out the window and turned the radio up slightly louder. 

 

“I’m 24.”

 

“My apologies, I’m 26. Touche.” I smiled at Gerard and burst out laughing. He frowned at me in confusion, his dark eyebrows doing their own tiny frown.

 

“Sorry” I smiled, wiping my tearful eyes. “I’ve not eaten in two days and my last shower was three weeks ago. My life is ridiculous and I’m just expecting to turn up on my grandmothers doorstep and hope she lets me stay with her!” 

 

“I’m sure your grandmother is a lovely lady.” Gerard smiled pushing his sunglasses up and revealing his forehead and eyes more clearly. Definitely a beautiful shade of hazel. 

 

“She is, I miss her.” I really did miss her. She always sent presents at Christmas and my birthday despite the fact when we moved away I was so young I didn’t even remember what she looked like. 

 

“Well you won’t have to miss her for much long. We’ll be there in about 30 minutes.”

 

“That soon?” 

 

“Well you travel a lot faster when you’re in a car instead of half dead on the side of the road.” Gerard chuckled. I blushed a furiously awful shade of red. I knew I looked like roadkill. 

 

“I’m sorry.” 

 

“Frank, we all sometimes need a pick me up it’s just that today, yours was a literal pick me up.” Gerard took some gum out of the compartment and offered me some. I didn’t think chewing gum would do me good after having not eaten for 2 days but I took it anyway, some taste in my mouth would have been amazing, my mouth tasted like ass. Gerard took some gum for himself and placed it back in the compartment. “My little brother went through a bad drug addiction, he nearly killed himself but he didn’t. He’s very much alive.” Gerard would go on to tell me so much more about his brother, this first impression really was something, though. 

“I had a friend like that. Jimmy. He was the fucking best, dude. He was the funniest and sweetest guy I’d ever known but he got in with the wrong crowd. He started to drift off into this other universe in his head and one day he decided he wanted to stay there forever. So he did.

 

“I’m so sorry.” Gerard said, he sounded pretty choked up. A guy I didn’t even know was sad about a stranger's life. “You know that God is very forgiving, right? I’m sure your friend did find the universe he always wanted up there.” I had always been a religious person, I’d grown up Catholic and I’d never really doubted God until Jimmy died. It felt like a bus had hit me when I found him hanging there. My heart ached and it felt like the walls around me were closing in. It felt like the scene from Star Wars where they’re trapped in the trash compactor. I had nightmares after that. It was happening to me but the trash compactor never stopped, it just kept squashing me and squashing me. 

 

“I’m sure Jimmy’s happy wherever he is. It was a long time ago anyway. 10 years passes by really quickly.” Gerard let out a short laugh.

 

“You’re telling me.” He replied. “My life has completely changed over the past ten years but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Well, no.” Gerard smiled and closed his window, letting the car get warm. “Sometimes I remember being sixteen and I think about how simple things used to be. I used to sit in my parents basement reading and write comic books. I always dreamt of being an artist. Or a singer. I always wanted to be in a band.” Gerard would go on to show me his comics and songs. Gerard’s talent outshines anything I’ve ever seen in my life.

 

“I always wanted to be in a band too.”

 

“Hence the guitar.” Gerard pointed out. 

 

“Bingo.” I replied, thinking about my precious baby. She needed restringing so badly but I just didn’t have the money.

 

“Are you good?” I laughed, my mom made me join the church band when I was four, I only agreed to join if she’d let me play guitar. I was a stubborn bastard back then as well. 

 

“I’m really fucking good.” I placed my calloused fingers on Gerard’s bare arm. I felt something electric, some spark. It was a fucking cliche but it happened. “See? Calloused like fuck.”

 

“I’d like to hear you play some time.” Gerard grinned, he turned to me showing me his small, pearly white teeth. I nodded. “You should give me your number.” My instant thought was ‘oh my god this hot guy is hitting on me’. My second thought was ‘oh crap I need to give him my number’. 

 

“My phone is absolutely dead but I’ll trust you to call me?” I invited, scribbling my number down on a scrap piece of paper from the floor. The car was pretty messy.

 

“Of course, Frank.” Gerard smiled and pulled over. I looked up at the large house and down at the address. “This is it.” It went way too quickly for my liking.

 

“That was so fast.” I looked into my lap, my bag precariously sitting on my lap. “I can’t thank you enough.” 

 

“Well if you answer my call we won’t have a problem. I know where your grandma lives I’ll like, eat her pie or something.” 

 

“Damn, you’re hardcore.” I joked, rolling my eyes. “Thank you so much for the lift.”

 

“No problem!” Gerard smiled. “If you uh, ever feel lost there’s a church about half a mile from here. St Peters. You looked pretty beat up when I saw you, just know there’s people that will listen.” I smiled and nodded. I knew I was going to like Gerard.

 

“Thanks again.” I took my guitar out the back of the car and approached my grandma's door. Looking at Gerard as he drove off down the road. I knocked, absolutely terrified. Luckily within a few seconds an old woman was answering the door. “Hi I’m sorry for bothering you Mrs Iero.” I said, just hoping she’d let me through the door. 

 

“Frankie.” she smiled, I frowned, my eyebrows looked like they were about to go to war with each other.. She hadn’t seen me since I was a baby. “I’d recognise those beautiful eyes anywhere.” She laughed. 

 

I smiled as she took me into a hug and led me inside the house. I spoke about my life, my sexuality, my mom and how she wanted to convert me straight. My grandma laughed at the idea. She eventually told me it was fine to stay with her. I felt like a weight had fallen off my shoulders. It was either the weight or my clothes as I stepped into the shower. As I showered I thought of Gerard, his long raven hair and his button nose. I felt like he was my guardian angel, like he was sent to me. As I washed the dirt off my body it felt like washing my past away. The past didn’t matter anymore because my future was finally starting to look good.I wiped away the condensation and I looked in the mirror. My sunburn and blisters had felt so bad, like each blister was a ticking time bomb but as I looked into the mirror, I felt nothing. My skin was pale and blister free. I guess that you start to go crazy when you haven't eaten in that long. 

 

“Frankie, dinners ready!” My grandma called, it was the second best words I'd heard all day; the first being when Gerard picked me up. I quickly got dressed and towel dried my hair, the wet heavy strands falling into my eyes. I should have brought less clothes but besides my guitar they were the only thing that made me well, me. It was heavy to carry on my aching back but worth it. I rushed downstairs to my grandma at the dinner table. I sat opposite her and we ate.

 

“When was the last time you ate, you look like a stick figure?” My grandma asked, sipping her tea.

 

“Two days ago. Even before that I was eating anything I could get.” I admitted, shovelling more food down my throat. My grandma shook her head.

 

“That’s not healthy for a young boy like you” my grandma sighed. I just smiled and ate some more. It wasn’t like it was my choice. “You should tell your mom that you're here.” She eventually said. It felt like my heart had stopped for just one second then restarted, processing those words.

 

“I’m an adult. I don't have to tell my mom shit.” I replied.

 

“Don’t fucking swear in my house.” My grandma replied, she then laughed and took a bite of her food. “Your mom cares about you, Frankie.” I laughed, choking a bit on my food.

 

“Yeah, alright. She moves us miles away from you, tries to convert me straight and spends my whole life acting like I’m a disappointment.”

 

“Your mother was never very tolerant with the gays. It wasn’t how I brought her up at all.” 

 

“She always used religion as an excuse.” I shook my head at how ridiculous it was. 

 

“Nasty woman, Frankie. It makes religion look bad. Religion is about acceptance and love.” 

 

“That’s what I told her!” I exclaimed, nearly knocking my water off the table.

 

“You’re a church boy then?” I blushed and told her the story about Jimmy. 

 

“I guess I never really understood why God wanted to take Jimmy away.”

 

“God doesn’t choose to take people away but If Jimmy was suffering that badly, don’t you think God would have wanted him to find peace and sanctity?” I sighed, she was right.

 

“I guess. It’s just not fair, you know?” My grandma smiled at me and nodded.

 

“It isn’t fair. I doubted God when your grandfather passed away but really, God puts us here for a reason but he doesn’t choose our time to go, it took me a long time to realise that.” I smiled at her, she was so calming. “I prayed every Sunday at church that I’d get to see you again.” 

 

“It worked.” I blushed. I hadn’t seen my grandma since I was four. I remember my mom telling me she was evil. I never believed that. 

 

“Will you come to church with me tomorrow?” She asked, finishing her dinner.

 

“Of course, Grandma.” I smiled, sipping my water. “I still go to church as much as I can anyway.” Grandma took my plate out to the kitchen. I stood up to help her but she dismissed me.

 

“You look like you’ve had a rough time, Frankie. Why don’t you go lie down?” I was so grateful for my grandmother. I still am. She’ll always be the most wonderful woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.

 

“Thanks, Grandma.” I smiled, it would feel good to sleep in a bed for the first time in weeks. 

 

“There’s some clothes in the wardrobe, I always had them incase you visited. Wear a nice suit for tomorrow, okay Frankie?” I nodded. I suddenly felt awful that I hadn’t come sooner and that my only reason to come was to get away from my past. My poor Grandma was there all alone and I could have visited, I could have. I went off to the guest room which I guessed was my bedroom now, I looked in the wardrobe, there were clothes of all sizes in there. My heart ached, it was like someone had tied me down and bound 100 books to my chest to make my heart combust. I laid down on the bed, thinking about the fucked up day I’d had. The fucked up month I had. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.    
  
I was awoken at 7:30 the next morning by the smell of coffee drifting through the air. I sat up and realised I’d fallen asleep clothed and on top of the duvet. It was still the best nights sleep I’d ever had, the most peaceful. I followed the coffee trail down the stairs to the kitchen where my Grandma was humming along to a song on the radio. 

 

“Frankie dear! Good morning!” She smiled, pouring the hot coffee into the mug and pushing it into my cold hands. I thankfully took the coffee and embraced the warmth. 

 

“Good morning Grandma, I slept amazingly. Thank you so much.” I said into my mug. She gave me a soft smile and sat down next to me. 

 

“What would you like for breakfast?” She asked, sipping her own coffee. 

 

“Anything.” I said, I was grateful just for the food. Sure, I was a vegetarian but right now I’d eat whatever was put in front of me. 

 

“I’ll cook you up some scrambled eggs!” I’ve said this and I’ll say it again, my Grandma makes the best scrambled eggs in the world. I hurried them into my mouth, they tasted even better than dinner last night. They tasted like warm, they tasted like love, they tasted like a home I hadn’t known until that moment. “I need go grocery shopping, would you like to assist me?” She asked, clearing up the kitchen. I nodded and got myself dressed into clothes that I hadn’t slept in. I managed to charge my phone and saw no new messages, figured really. Why would a hot guy like Gerard ever call me? When we reached the grocery store, my grandma started to walk off towards a tall, skinny boy with thick rimmed glasses and straightened blonde hair. I couldn’t understand how anyone could get their hair so straight, I followed my Grandma over to him.

 

“You okay, Grandma?” I asked, smiling.

 

“Oh Frankie!” She beamed. “This is Michael! He goes to my church, he’s such a lovely boy!” She cooed.

 

“Hey.” He smiled, holding out his hand for me to shake, I was slightly intimidated by how white and straight his teeth were. “You can just call me Mikey.” I shook his hand.

 

“You can just call me Frank.” I replied, smiling back at him. 

 

“Frankie’s going to come with me to church today, he’s going to be staying with me for a while!” She looped her arm through mine, I blushed. It was weird having a Grandma who could embarrass you by being too nice instead of a mother who embarrassed you by drinking too much and not picking you up from school. 

 

“Awesome.” Mikey grinned. “Well I’ve got to check out these groceries for my mom otherwise she’ll cry on me again.” Mikey and my Grandma laughed.

 

“Tell Donna I’m excited for her to meet my grandson!” My Grandma said, waving goodbye to Mikey. “You and him sort of dress the same.” She pointed out. She was right, Mikey was in pretty much all black with an Anthrax t-shirt on. I knew it would be nice to make a friend in a town where I knew no one. We shopped for our groceries and went home to get ready for church. I can’t say I was thrilled to have my Grandma show me off to the town’s ‘golden oldies’ but I loved my Grandma so I acted over the moon. After she introduced me to nearly half the church, we sat down. 

 

It was a beautiful big church and there were so many people there, all different kinds of people actually. I saw Mikey and his mom and waved at them. I made a mental note to talk to Mikey afterwards and ask him if he wanted to hang out. I quickly checked my phone once more, Gerard hadn’t called. So many thoughts ran through my mind. Was I being clingy? Did he even like me? Is it too soon for him to call? As these thoughts were invading my personal space, the service began. I looked up and saw a mop of long raven hair. The priest turned around. I nearly had a heart attack. I looked around me, I pinched myself. Was it some sick dream I was having that involved Gerard being a priest?! My pinch unfortunately hurt and I was absolutely gobsmacked. I spent the rest of the service in silence, there were a million words running through my head but none of them could make it to my lips. At the end of the service I just sat, unable to do anything. I had been such an idiot, of course Gerard wouldn’t like me. At least I knew the reason was that he was a priest and not because I’m disgusting.    
  
I knew facing Gerard was better than ignoring him. He  _ had  _ been so nice to me after all. Luckily for me, my Grandma dragged me towards him to introduce us. “Father Way dear” She said happily. Gerard turned around and raised his eyebrows, eyes wide and shocked to see me. Suddenly a smile played on his face. “I want you to meet-”

“Frank.” He said, nodding. “We actually already met yesterday.” My Grandma looked incredibly confused.

 

“He saw me on the side of the road and gave me a ride here. I’m eternally grateful.” I smiled, pretending like my inner monologue wasn’t freaking out about how much it wanted to ride Gerard’s face and that it didn’t matter he was a priest. 

 

“Oh that’s so wonderful! I knew you two would get along!” She beamed. “I’ll leave you two, I need to ask Donna for her apple crumble recipe!” I laughed. 

 

“Donna’s my mom.” He smiled. He’d de-robed or whatever it was by now so he was just left in dark black jeans, a black shirt and his white collar. He looked fucking sexy.

 

“So Mikey’s your brother?” Gerard nodded. “We met in the grocery store this morning.”

 

“He’s a good kid.” Gerard smiled.

 

“Look, I’m really, really sorry for yesterday.” I apologised.

 

“What do you mean?” Gerard asked, clearly very confused.

 

“Like, if you thought I was hitting on your or something. I uh, you’re very attractive.” I shook my head. “No wait I can’t say that to a priest um… I didn’t know you were, I didn’t mean-” Gerard laughed.

 

“Frank it’s absolutely fine. I was all ‘let me have your number’ with that sexy look in my eyes. It was my fault.” I just awkwardly laughed, avoiding eye contact. “I love what I do, I get to help people every day but I’m also a normal human being.”

 

“Aren’t a lot of ‘normal human being’ things stuff you can’t do as a priest?” I asked, still not making eye contact. Gerard laughed and that’s when I looked into his hazel eyes. 

 

“God and I have a deal. We have an understanding and it’s okay. What the church doesn’t know won’t hurt it plus you look great in a suit. You clean up well.” Gerard winked and then walked off leaving me absolutely blown away. 

 

I spent the rest of the day wondering what any of that meant. I kept checking my phone but there was nothing. I rolled around on my bed, groaning. I had no idea what to do. It was then when my grandma came upstairs and knocked on the door. I told her to come in and she asked what the matter was. “What if, theoretically, someone seemed like they were interested in you but they shouldn’t be and it was wrong in all kinds of ways?” I said, trying not to give too much away. “Like” I continued “If you knew that 100% it was wrong to be with that person, that like, the church frowned upon it.” 

 

“Frankie dear, the church has some ridiculous rules. You can ask out Michael if you want but he’s a little young for you he’s only 17.” I just let out a small laugh.

“I said theoretically, plus I don’t like Mikey like that. He seems like he’d be an awesome friend, though.” I smiled and my Grandma said good night. I wished I could conduct a vacation in my dreams of me, Gerard and nothing stopping us. I had a pretty good idea of what my dreams would be consisting of that night, anyway.

 

I was well and truly fucked.

 

_ A priest, seriously?  _ I thought, trying to get the idea out of my head. I just laughed and let my dreams take over.

 

I always liked a challenge.

  
  



End file.
